Hamile olduğumu yeni öğrendim ve sürekli bebek için endişeleniyorum, bu normal mi?
Yanıtlar
Ben de hamile olduğumu yeni öğrendim ve ben de aynısını yapıyorum. İlk hamileliğim ve ne bekleyeceğimi bilmiyorum.
Şahsen, hayat tecrübemle ve senden daha yaşlı olduğumu düşünüyorum…
Dürüst olacağım ve şeker katmayacağım.
Evliliğe hazır olmayan erkek/erkek?
Bunu açıkça göreyim.
Cinsel olarak hamile kalabilen tam gelişmiş bir kadınla evliliğe hazır değil mi? Prezervatif kullanmıyor mu? Karnına bir bebek koyar. Evliliğe hazır değil ama korunmasız cinsel ilişkiye hazır, sonuç olarak bebek sahibi olmaya hazır ama evliliğe hazır değil mi?
Bunu duyduğuma üzüldüm.
Bebeklerin nasıl yapıldığını biliyordu ve korunmasız cinsel ilişkiye hazırdı. Ama parmağınıza yüzük takmaya hazır değil mi? Penisini vajinana sokar. O gece veya gündüz penisin nereye gittiğini biliyordu.
Tekrar…
Sen de bir aptallık yaptın. Henüz 6 aylık bir erkek çocuğu tanıyor, korunmasız cinsel ilişkiye giriyor ve seninle evlenmesini mi bekliyorsun?
Sanırım aptalca şeyler yapan kızları/kadınları anlıyorum. Çünkü insanlar aptalca şeyler yapar.
Bu bok, seks yaparken, hatta evlenmeden önce olur. Ve üstte korumasız.
Anlıyorsun…
Evliliğin önce gelmesi gerektiğini bilen kültürler var. Seks sonrası. Nedenmiş? Aynen öyle!
Şimdi kendinizi rahatsız hissediyorsunuz, endişe duyuyorsunuz, stresin aktığını, güvensizliğin arttığını hissediyorsunuz. Artık bir şeylerin ters gittiğini hissediyorsunuz. Güvenliğe ihtiyacınız olduğunu hissediyorsunuz. İstikrar. Tohumunun güzel karnınızda yeni bir hayat büyüttüğü bir erkeğe ait olmanın temel duygusu. Bir ev. Bir çocuğu aile ortamında büyütmek.
Dünyanın her yerindeki diğer kadınlar/kızlar gibi çok büyük bir hata yaptın. Tahminimce hiç değişmeyecek. Tarih tekerrür eder.
Doğanın doğal unsurlarıyla savaşan bebeğinizle sizi baş başa bırakabileceğini hissediyorsunuz. İnanılmaz çetin hayatla ve üzerinize çöken dünyayla korumasız bir şekilde yüzleşmek. Bir bebekle. Doğru?
Bak, dürüst olmalıyım.
Bu adam bebeğini elinde tutmanı istiyor. Ama seni güvende hissettirecek kadar sevmiyor ve onun karısı olmanı istemiyor mu? Seni bütün hissettirmek için mi? Düzgün yaşamak için mi?
Bir erkek için bir kadınla evlenmek birçok yönden çok ciddi bir meseledir.
Evlenmeden çocuk sahibi olan bir kadın için de birçok nedenden dolayı çok ciddi bir konudur.
Bir kadının hamile kalması da çok ciddi bir konudur.
Bir adam istediğini söyleyebilir… Bir adam sana ayı vaat edebilir, sorumluluk alabilir, yanında olabilir. Size, düşünmek için zamana ihtiyacı olduğunu söyleyebilir. Evliliği düşünüyor, belki ileride. Bir sürü blablabla. Ve kadınlar bir erkeğin veya bir insanın söylediği her şeye inanır mı? Bu mu?
Ama seninle evlenmek ve yasal olarak baba olmak istemiyor?
Bir adam sana her zaman diyebilir, ben buradan gidiyorum. Bebek ya da bebek değil. Durum sadece sana bağlı kızım. Evli bir adam, istediği zaman ben buradan gidiyorum diye kolayca söyleyemez. Yasal olarak değil. Bazı ülkelerdeki toplum kuralları, evliyken onun ayrılmasını, siktir olup gitmesini zorlaştıracaktır. Çocuk nafakası ödemek zorunda kalacak, eş nafakası akıllıca. Çocuğunuzun hayatında kalmaya zorlanacak. Çalışınca belki 1 gün evi olur, parası olur. Çocuğun yasal olarak maddi öğelerin bir parçasına sahip olmasına izin verilir. Sen de bir eş olarak. Hiçbir şeyin yok. Yaşlanırsın, hastalanırsın, işini kaybedersin. O adamdan şimdi ve gelecekte yasal olarak hiçbir şeyiniz yok.
İyi…
Çocuğu tutmanı istiyor.
Some men are playing the game, playing you, testing you how much bullshit you will take. How far they can go with you. Where you boundaries are. How far of a pushover you are. With what amount of bullshit you will swallow.
It is not friendly, not nice, not fair. Is it?
Life is not fair. But you get pushed to smack your mouth on the floor. To lose your teeth…so you learn life like it really is. Life is not a fairytale like Disney or in Lalaland. A happy END? Well sometimes it happens. But most of the times not.
Are you a gambler too? Playing Russian Roulette with your life and also with your child, who is not even born?
He tested you allready and he will not stop testing you. Some women/girls think…i will be nice and submissive to a man. Jump into hoops. Lower their selflove and selfrespect. Lower their standarts, dreams, needs and wants to make a man happy with them? Just to think, he will respect them more, value the woman more, love her more…and so on. Some girls think…i will give everything to a man, even my vagina, my uterus, my sexuality and eventually the boy/man will suddenly bring them to heaven, love them, care for them, marry her?
How much women/girls do you see worldwide spending their years as single mothers, who where not even married? Struggling like a pig in the fence with blood, tears and sorrow, because they run into the fence, blindly? This pig is hooked on the fence, can not free herself and sees her pigglets looking at her and she knows, shit…maybe i will not make it allone. Without help to free her from the bloody fence. Being allone and unprotected is shit, but more shit will come…Seeing her babies crying because their mother is well, in deep shit all alone. And will maybe die that way. And the babies? Well. Nobody there either to safe them.
Will a man love you more and stay with you, because you had sex with him? Unprotected? Caring his baby?
Nope. Never, ever will that happen. A man is different then a woman.
The man, who has sex with you is just a man, who wants sex with you. Nothing more. Probably other reasons too.
This man knows, you give your power away, you dignity, your selfrespect, your body, sacrifice your childs wellbeing, your value, your standards, your boundaries, your wellbeing, your happyness, your future, your future’s child. He knows you play like a little naughty girl with figher, because you dad/mother warned you, but you would not listen?
Listen young lady. I think my words will make you hurt.
I only know, that this man tested how far he can go. He will not respect you for that.
A man who really cares about you and is mature will not let you hang like that. He is a fool. A man with no morals/values. A coward. Confused scared. A little todler, who wanted adult stuff to do and now there is life growing in your stomac and now, he wants a route to escape whenever he is shitting his pants. He could run from you and just leave you any time to feel free to bang other women
He wants you to keep the baby. You know what? Men know that when a woman has a baby, she is very vulnerable. They have power over you. They know also, no men will want you that easy anymore. This men want to ‘lock you down’ not invest much, and do whatever they want. You are out of the market. And other man will not easy want a woman with a child of another man and he has you trapped forever. Having power and control is their game. They know your future is compromised.
There are men, who will choose a woman with children. But for more fucked up reasons to ugly to tell here.
Do you really want to put your child in danger and getting traumatised for life? Men usually are not very friendly with kids, who are not his. Even own children get misshandeled. See the police records what children had to endure because a girl had a new boyfriend. Or bad husband.
God lord…i start to really hate the word ‘boyfriend’.
I rambled enough. Probably you are crying by now.
Now…i just want to give you advice and i hope i can ask you some questions. I also want to give you clarity.Think deeply with me.
I do not know how old you are and your life sircumstances.
Say to your ‘boyfriend’ who is not a real friend yet, because a real friend would not put you in this insecure shit position…What does he mean by not being ready for marriage? What are his fears, feelings, worries, emotions towards you, your baby, marriage, life alltogether?
Be calm, respectful, keep your dignity. Do not scream, cry, push, threaten, guilt trip and more…
Tell him that you want to marry, because marriage is your desire. Also when having a baby. That this is important to you, your wellbeing and important for a child. Nothing more. Make it short.
See and hear what he says…Give him the freedom to answer peacefully his thoughts. Respect what he says. His feelings, wants, needs are important too. Also…When he can talk freely, you can see, if his values, morals are what you need in life and are blendable.
Remember…men can lie, like women also.
Accept what he says. But be allert.
Focus also what you needs and wants are for you, your baby and as a couple. Be honest with yourself and do not compromise to make him stay. You want marriage. That is a very reasonable thing to want. Do not be a pushover again and do not let you play anymore. Stay allways respectful. Because i know, this conversations are not easy.
Let him talk and say, you will think about it for a week.
Say to him, that you will leave the relationship, when your wishes are not respected. You need the things you need. Some things are not negociable. Some are. Give him time to think. Not longer then a week.
Tell him you want to be married before the baby comes. No excuses. He needs to know, you are serious.
Be aware…a man can deceive you, lie to you, make promises in the air. He hopes you fall for it. Do not say anything what you feel, when you feel he is bullshitting you.
I would make clear that you are standing your ground. You are responsable for your future.
I do not know, how far your pregnancy is… Very important to know. You do not have time.
This man needs to be a man, who is in love with you to the core. Who wants to do everything to make you feel safe, honored, loved, protected. Having you back.
Do you love him? Is he safe? Will he be a trustworthy, safe, loving human being to you and your baby?
Very important to know.
Never marry a man, who is not having the best interest in mind with you.
Now i will say something else…
You can never reverse your motherhood. It is final. No way you can change that. Even when you let others adopt your baby, when you feel you can not manage a baby. When you are totally allone it is very hard. An adopted baby will never forget that something happened. The bonding with the new parents will never be biologically the same with lifelong results.
I expect you have no house paid off, no security, no much money, no job, no loving, caring parents to support you. Maybe you have no good schooling. Maybe you are going to college? Never give up your education. Try to speak the director. Ask for advice. You want to go to school, but you are pregnant. Are there possibilities to combine both?
I would prepare yourself for the worst. See yourself as a single mother, who fights basically on your own.
When this boyfriend wants to help, see this as a extra. But do never count on that.
He probably will run for the hills. Or he will stay and make you miserable and put more stress on you.
Maybe everything works out. Maybe not. The future will tell.
Your baby will endure everything what you put him/her thru. Remember that. Grow up, be wise, intelligent and use your brain, instinct, gut feeling and protect your life.
I can also imagine, you want to abort. Maybe you thought about that too. It is not a shame. It is just sad. In nature mothers are capable of leaving their baby behind too after giving birth. You are not a criminal. But please think. Some women will regret later their abortion. Feel guilty forever. You are you. You need to do what is best for you. Life is just painfull. Sometimes you can not change that. Learn from this all.
I think talk to child services and ask for help. Maybe they can advise you in your situation.
I wish i could give you a big hugging.
Make good choices in life.
Bless you much.
P.S. whatever you do, please never do the same mistake again. First find a good man, who is good to you, who is in love with you, who has allways your back. Also in though times. Love a man too. Have only sex with a man after marriage. Most men will not marry you, but use you endlessly, because they get everything for free allready without marriage first. We live in a modern era, where girls give everything away, even their sex. Sad. No man respects you more or loves you more when doing that. Sad but true.
Playboys everywhere and users too.
Please love yourself, respect yourself.
Watch youtube to give you more insight of 2 men, who tell like you should get your power back and to see the tricks that men use to push you over. See what you can learn to be strong and to choose a man, who is good to be with.
Tony Gaskins
R.C. Blakes jr.
Ayrıca Dr. Ramani (çok toksik bireylerin kırmızı bayraklarını görmek için) ve iyileşmenize yardımcı olmak için.
Kitap: John Gottman (8 randevu) ve tüm kitaplarını okuyun.
Kitap: Bağlanma Stilleri ve Bağlanma Teorisi.
Kitap: 5 sevgi dili.
İlişkiler hakkında kitaplar okuyun. Çocuk yetiştirme hakkında. Toksik ilişkiler hakkında. Sağlıklı ilişkiler kurmak üzere.
sana inanıyorum kızım🌿