Wives knowing your spouse had an affair with another married woman, would you tell their husband knowing you have proof?

Answer 1

I decided not to. I think it must be pretty obvious to her husband that she is unfaithful. She has two young daughters whose lives must be hell, I do not want to be someone who makes their lives even worse. I do keep the picture of the two of them together just to remind me that my ex was never to be trusted.

Answer 2

**Author has been divorced after wife had an affair**

Primo, NON dovresti esplodere e avere un confronto potenzialmente arrabbiato e violento con lei. A questo punto, a meno che la relazione non sia stata molto tempo fa, il tuo matrimonio sta vacillando sul precipizio, una spinta potrebbe metterlo fine e tu, come uomo, sarai sicuramente la vittima della conseguente rovina finanziaria. Potrebbe già essere alla fine e lo stai scoprendo solo ora. Se devi, piangi le tue lacrime amare in solitudine, preparati per alcuni brutti giorni a venire e inizia a prepararti al peggio.

You should sit down and think hard about what YOU want, and whether SHE will want or even cooperate for that. Even if you think that YOU want to fix the marriage, will SHE? Do you think you will be able to rebuild trust in her? Are you prepared to go into counselling with her? Will SHE go? If not, what is your next best alternative? Do you want the house and kids or just the cash and car and vacation home, and if not all of that, what next? Are you tied to a job and the area? Or will this be an opportunity to start over with a new job/career and new location?

You SHOULD start gathering evidence. You can get the internet history from your computer browser, you can legally install some tools such as keyloggers on your home computer, you can request the call detail records from the phone bills you pay, you could possibly use some of the “find my phone” features of the iPhone to track where she is going, or use various “safe driving” tools to do the same with the car, etc. This MAY or MAY NOT help you in court, but probably won’t hurt, and will probably help your prove your case with your family and friends if it comes to it. It doesn’t hurt to casually ask where she is going, etc, to capture how she is lying to you and understand her MO.

Se hai figli, dove sono i bambini quando lei è impegnata nelle sue avventure? Li ha messi in pericolo o allontanati da te in qualche modo? Dovresti iniziare a documentare tutti i problemi che ha avuto e le attuali carenze o problemi che ha con le loro cure. Tieni un diario, registra ogni problema, ogni reclamo, ogni condivisione tardiva o rifiutata dei bambini, ogni cosa che i bambini dicono che lei ha detto loro (male) di te. CONSERVA QUESTA DOCUMENTAZIONE, FINCHE' DOVETE CONDIVIDERE LA CUSTODIA CON LEI. Tieni presente che probabilmente avvierà una campagna per alienare i tuoi figli da te.

Also and especially if you have kids, you should start building your defence and alliances, such as family friends, church members, school teachers, etc. that will support you WHEN she accuses you of violence and abuse against her and the kids. It’s a commonly used tactic women use in family court, encouraged by womens lawyers, and difficult to disprove, and basically all she has to do is lie and/or exaggerate to make you out to be a monster in order to win custody and a judgement against you.

Next, YOU need to do your homework. It doesn’t hurt to contact a lawyer, or several lawyers at this point (shop around, find out the cost, hours that come with a retainer, hourly rate, court costs, etc). You need to fully understand your states divorce laws, especially as to how they pertain to division of belongings and debt, at-fault or no-fault status, alimony (or palimony), and custody. Start looking at the provisions of how to claim separation, possession of the home during proceedings, file restraining orders, etc. If she at any time attacks or abuses YOU, you should get it documented, preferably in a police report, and recorded if possible (such as with photos and a pocket dictation recorder- yes, you should start carrying one). If you have cause to request a restraining order against her, that may be a quick way to get possession of the house and vehicle while separation is underway.

If the two of you have any significant debt, especially unsecured debt (such as a personal loan), and especially any significant joint savings or other accounts, now is a good time to look at reducing that debt paying out of joint accounts. Especially before things get into legal proceedings, and ESPECIALLY if that debt is only in your name and not hers. I would expect that practically the first thing she will do once papers are filed is to empty your joint accounts. If you pay off joint debt (acquired during your marriage) from joint accounts, there will be no legal recourse against you, and of course she won’t be able to take it for her “war chest” either.

Now is also the time to establish your own private bank account and credit card, if you don’t already have one. Probably not a good idea to have the new card or bank statements sent to your house- use a work address if possible. If you have an existing card in your name only, or cards that are tied to the same account, you should ask to get the cards onto separate accounts, and pay down any balance. You may need to pay off the balance before separating the account, or a court order such as a divorce decree to do so. If this is the case see if you can freeze the account. Reporting the cards stolen will generally freeze the account until new cards are sent. Request to revoke her access to any of your accounts. You might well need a working credit card for hotel stays, food, etc, if things go south in the near future. If divorce/separation papers are filed, the very next thing you need to do is stop any pay or money going into joint accounts, and route it into your private account instead. Expect that any money that goes into a joint account will disappear immediately. You will still be left responsible for all of your bills, even if she absconds with all the money. Keep YOUR debts paid. On this topic, once you are separated, you should not have to pay HER bills- you can stop paying for her cell phone service, for example, you just have to drop her line from your account.

Finally, as a step to being prepared, get together your list of personal and sentimental things you don’t want to lose- family photos, dads medals and pistol from WW2, family heirloom jewelry, your vinyl record collection, etc. If possible, remove the small, extremely valuable, and irreplaceable sentimental things to a safe location, preferably without her knowing. If things get ugly, she might pawn grandmas diamond earrings and your old Beatles records for next to nothing, and you will have no means to get them back. Consider your pet(s). If she is a particularly vindictive b*tch your dog might mysteriously die while you are at work one day. Also pack an overnight bag with a couple changes of clothes (work, casual) and toiletries, which I suggest you either store at the office or in your car. You might find yourself unable to come back to the house with no notice if she suddenly serves you at work.

Once you are set (hopefully within a week or two) have a lawyer on speed dial, and prepared to file for YOU, you have your irrefutable evidence of her activities and lies, you are financially prepared to weather the storm, and know what you want from the situation, it will be time to confront her. Don’t let her try to confuse or lie her way out of the situation. If you need to, ask for her phone and use it to call the other man on speakerphone. If you think your marriage can be saved, now is the time for the ultimatum. Otherwise, you should ask HER to leave for a few days to get some perspective. Threatening to expose her activities to her friends and family might convince her to go. If she goes back to the other guy, you have your answer.